During these weeks of Lent I have been going back over entries in my journal from 10 years ago. Ten years ago I was discerning the Holy Spirit’s direction in my life that would ultimately lead me into the Catholic Church. The following was my journal entry from January 2, 2014, after a time of Lectio divina with John 6:1-15.
Jesus said: “Have the people sit down.” Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.
Jesus says, “Sit down!” Do I trust Him enough to get off my feet and assume a posture of humility, a posture of expectancy, a posture of trust? It was those who were seated who were served. Until I sit in His presence I will not have what I need, but it is even more than that — “and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted.”
Jesus invites me to be seated—to be seated at his table—to feed not only on bread that will satisfy my physical hunger, but on Him, the Bread of Life. He offers His flesh and His blood to give me life. Am I sitting down? What keeps me standing? What keeps me seeking my own solutions? What makes me try to figure out how I can scrape together enough coins to buy some scraps of bread?
Jesus invites me to a banquet. Oh, I may be sitting on the ground, and the table may be a rock, but what He offers me is life—it is Himself. Jesus, I long to feed on you in my heart.
“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God” (John 6:68-69).
I experienced that living Bread for the first time at the Easter Vigil more than two years later. The wait was difficult. The bottom line is that it was worth it!