I’ve often said that the greatest gift our parents gave to me and my wife is that their marriage endured until death did them part. That stability has blessed us and helped us as we move toward our 46th wedding anniversary in August. As a pastor I counseled many couples preparing for marriage that they were entering into lifetime commitment, and that was before I came to understand that marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic Church.
I came a across a conversation I had via text back in February 2014, with a young man who was going through a rough patch in his marriage. I came to know him and his wife after they were married and in this conversation I see reflected my growing understanding of the Catholic view of marriage. To the young man’s credit he was receptive to my counsel and is still married 10 years later. The names have been changed for obvious reasons.
Tom: Hey brother. Keep Julie in your prayers. She seems very emotional these days. I’m not sure what to do.
Gary: I will.
Tom: What should I do? She was searching for divorce options as I was trying to make peace with her…all the while completely ignoring me…maybe divorce is the best option. Sorry. I don’t mean to throw this on you, but I don’t know who to go to.
Gary: First, divorce is NEVER an option, let alone the best option. You cannot entertain those thoughts. Julie is going through a traumatic time and she is expressing that at times that reflect more the culture around her than the Holy One within her. Let your words be few (Proverbs 10:19). Pray over her a prayer of protection—not to her face, but in private.
Tom: O.K. I’ll try. I hate it when it happens. It was bad when Tommy wasn’t here, but it’s even worse with him here. I’m not sure how much more I can take. She’s crazy.
Gary: You can’t do this. Only Christ through you. There will be no easy way through this. You are being invited to suffer and fill up in your flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions (Colossians 1:24). As you give yourself up for her Julie will be made holy, without stain or wrinkle (Ephesians 5:25–28).
Tom: What if she still wants a divorce? What then?
Gary: I don’t honestly believe that is what she wants. In her pain and frustration (and there is pain and frustration), she wants to hurt you and she knows the threat of a divorce is one way to hurt you. What she is blind to is that that is the very thing that puts her soul in peril. As never before brother, I urge your to set aside all worldly entanglements and devote yourself to prayer and fasting. Don’t just live for the next oasis of peace in your relationship. Prepare to do battle for your marriage. As St. Paul said: “I discipline my body and bring it into subjection…” (1 Corinthians 9:27). It’s time to work out your salvation (and the salvation of your marriage) with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).
Five days later…
Gary (to Tom): How are you? How are things going?
Tom: Hey brother. Great to hear from ya. Things are better, although I can’t help feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. I’m trying to keep calm and pray and know that God is there.
Gary: I hear you. Walking on eggshells is an apt description. In John’s Gospel he presents one of the signs of Christ’s divinity was his walking on water—actually hovering over the face of the water, something that we see the Holy Spirit doing in Genesis 1. As you find yourself and your situation in Christ, He is able and willing to help you to hover over the eggshells—allowing His healing and wholeness to bathe over you both. Of course, that is only possible as you continue to find yourself in Him and allow Him to live out His life in you. The road is long, the journey is treacherous, but He is faithful. I’m praying for you.
Tom: Thanks man. That sounds good. I could use some hovering.
Back to the present…
The greatest gift Christ and the Church offers to us as couples is the sacrament of Marriage. To live out our sacrament we are definitely swimming upstream against the cultural current. Even many Christians succumb to the belief that divorce just might be the “best option.” It’s not! If you’re struggling or know someone who is, be encouraged by interchange between Tom and me, a very unworthy servant. Christ promises to never leave us nor forsake us when the journey turns treacherous.